feeling so empty..
when dj was alive.. the past few weeks i didnt talk to him very often..
so today would have been like any other day.. but knowing that is really gone..
it hurts so much.
now that ive seen it happen (suicide/drug overdose) i could never do it. i wouldnt want anyone to feel the pain that i felt sitting there looking at his pale dead body..not to mention how his family felt.. at least the ones who cared. I miss him to much. ive cried so much throughout the day, so has sarah which suprised me. she has been down all day. i wish i could have done something more, i wish we had more time. i feel so horrible..his sister told my mom he used to talk about me all the time and that i was his first girlfriend when my mom mentioned who i was.
that made me feel even worse..that i couldnt say thank you for careing about me. but it also made me happy the fact that he did care and that he did talk to his sister about me..
its so sad..
Towards the end of the service they played My Immortal by Evanescence.. it was the perfect song but i broke down right then.. i wanted to just grab him and wake him up.. bring him back to life and have him open his eyes and smile that he fooled everyone..but it wasnt going to happen. god dj... please come back!!!!:'( please dj. im sorry for everything i'll do anything. let me take your place. you did not deserve this...
At least though.. i have something to look forward to when i die,
meeting D.j again. for this sake i do hope there is a heaven.. im not religious and i dont care about religion because there are so many things to it ..but when u lose someone close to you..as in, they die.. you wonder where they are now.. what happens when they die..i hope he is alright and watching over those who care about him.
i miss him so much.
i love you dj, save me a seat.
Love Always and Forever,
5/13/87 - 4/6/04